The word “NO” is magical. You heard me correctly. It’s a life-saving, stress-reducing, freedom-providing word. Most of us feel some obligation to say “YES” to a request - an invite, a task, taking on extra work. It could be pride, wanting to look good, feeling like you owe someone something, or guilt.

Let’s look at what saying no can do for you.

Time protector: Who here could use some extra time? Saying no can free up time to do what is important to you - family time, leisure time, travel time, you time.

Stress reducer: Are you prone to overcommitting? How many of you have said yes to extra work, joining a committee, hosting a party, or just stack your days with back-to-back obligations? Are you feeling stressed just thinking about it? Saying no allows for a manageable schedule and a healthy work-life balance.

Focus enhancer: Does your brain feel cluttered? Over-obligating is exhausting. It saps your energy and scatters your focus. Allowing enough time for yourself to be still and breath is a gift. You deserve that gift.

Power provider: Do you feel like your life is a bit out of control when you take on too much? Your needs and time are just as important as everyone else’s. You will be a better partner, parent, friend, colleague, and daughter/son if you take care of yourself. The directive to put your oxygen mask on first applies here.

Let’s practice saying no.

Establish Your Priorities: Be clear about your intentions…

Do you say yes to every request without even thinking about it? Are you frustrated when you are expected to work the extra hours or answer work emails after hours? Are you everyone’s go-to for advice or to help out in some way?

I hate to break it to you but you may be part of the problem. You have trained your boss, partner, family, and friends to expect you to be there for them no matter what. The good news is that you can also train them to respect your boundaries.

Why do we say yes to everything? Why is setting boundaries so difficult?

Fear of disappointing others is a big one. Another one is the need for approval. Or you may feel obliged to say yes out of guilt. Some people avoid conflict at all costs and choose to go along with any request to get along with others. You may be conditioned not to set boundaries. It also could be based on cultural or societal expectations and norms. And finally, self-worth can play a role. If you have low self-esteem you may not feel you deserve to set boundaries.

Let’s move on to why it is important to set boundaries.

It protects your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It allows you to prioritize self-care and prevent burnout, resentment, and exhaustion.

It helps you to develop healthy relationships…

It took me a while to understand what it meant to be a highly sensitive person (HSP). I thought it was someone who reacted strongly to situations and if I’m being truthful, I thought it was someone who over-reacted. Come to find out I am somewhat correct. As with most things, there is just more to it. Highly sensitive persons react more strongly to internal and external stimuli such as pain, hunger, light, and noise. They are also more upset than others by tension and feelings of being overwhelmed. And they tend to have a more complex inner life.

Just to be clear, it is not a mental health disorder but rather a personality trait that exists in a person to varying degrees. This personality trait is known as sensory-processing sensitivity (SPS). I’m actually relieved to know that there is a term for it. I always wondered why I am sensitive to noise and light. I am also highly sensitive to violence, tragedy, and tension which are part of being an SPS. I am not one of those people who slow down on the highway when they see an accident. I make sure I add news blackouts to my routine as news stories about wars and death disturb me more than the average person. I always turn the channel when the ads about cruelty to animals come on.

You may think this is a form of sticking your head in the sand. Make no mistake, it is self-preservation for a highly sensitive person.

If you are wondering if you are an HSP, here are a few indicators:

You experience emotions more deeply than the average person. A sad movie or even a touching ad can trigger tears (ME!). You appreciate natural beauty on a profound level and you are deeply moved by art and music.

You feel physical sensations intensely. In other words, you are hyper-aware of physical sensations, such as being more aware of noise and light. Another personal example is that I feel an all-over body tingling when I almost hurt myself if I trip on a rug or miss a step.

You think deeply. You tend to take in more information…

I have come to believe that the use of “it’s complicated” can ultimately hinder personal growth. It’s a default phrase. “It’s complicated” hinders further exploration of the issue, it sets the stage to avoid accountability, and it effectively shuts down communication causing misunderstandings or misinterpretations. And my least favorite, “it’s complicated” can reinforce negative beliefs about yourself. Essentially, “it’s complicated” risks stagnation. You are resigned to what is.

Let’s switch our approach:

Focus on possibility. What solutions are there to consider? How can I improve my situation and my outlook?

Un-complicate it. Break it down into its parts and tackle them one by one. Achieving smaller steps creates a sense of accomplishment and progress.

Challenge your negative beliefs. Your negative or limiting beliefs can prevent you from moving forward. They act as a roadblock and can stop you in your tracks. Ask yourself what is really true vs what you have decided is true. Are these beliefs serving you?

Get help. We are not meant to struggle alone. We all need encouragement and guidance. Grab a friend, family member, coach, or therapist and share what is going on…

What I have come to realize is that we usually have very little idea about what is going on in other people’s lives and what they are feeling or experiencing at any given moment. This is true for total strangers and even people we know well. Yet we make assumptions about what they are feeling and why. We make assumptions based on how we view the world which may be very different from how the other person views the world.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I need to create a judgment-free zone. I know. I know. What makes me think I can pull this off? We don’t live in a non-judgmental, forgiving world.

It’s too easy to sit back and make up stories about people based on little or no information. It’s too easy to make assumptions. It’s too easy NOT to try and understand where people are coming from, what they might be going through, and the fears that they are grappling with.

Call me an optimist. Call me an idealist. Call me an unrealistic nutter. I have to try.

So, here is what I am going to do.

I am going to show compassion.

I am going to…

Communication is not limited to words alone – much of what we convey is expressed through non-verbal cues. Learning to decipher these subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle signals will help you better understand what someone is truly attempting to communicate.

Types of Non-Verbal Communication

Body Language: Gestures, posture, and facial expressions can reveal emotions and intentions. For example, crossed arms may indicate discomfort whereas open body language suggests receptiveness.

Eye Contact: Eye contact can convey confidence and interest in the conversation. Avoiding eye contact may signal shyness, discomfort, or dishonesty.

Tone of Voice: The tone, pitch, and tempo of someone's voice can convey emotions like excitement or frustration. A monotone voice may indicate boredom or disinterest, while a lively tone suggests enthusiasm and engagement.

Microexpressions: These are brief facial expressions that show on someone's face, revealing their true emotions.

What Are They Not Saying?:

Hidden Emotions: Non-verbal cues often reveal underlying emotions. For example, a forced smile may hide feelings of sadness or discomfort while a furrowed brow may indicate…