One theme that keeps showing up for me is how often we make assumptions about others — sometimes we’re right, but often, we’re not. We build stories about people, and those stories are a form of judgment.

I’ve noticed how easy it is to settle for difficult behavior rather than address it, perhaps because we’ve tried before and nothing changed. I’ve seen frustration and disappointment take root, and I’ve watched people choose silence because speaking up feels like too much effort — or feels pointless. 

Again with the Assumptions!

But here’s the thing: true communication begins with awareness and compassion, both for ourselves and others.
If you find yourself struggling with someone’s behavior, start by looking inward.

Letting go has been a significant theme for me for quite some time. The stories I tell myself. The self-judgement. The persistent thoughts. The experiences that have made an indelible impact on my life.

It’s not just me. As a coach, I hear this frequently. I hear it from my friends and family. I hear it in my communities. The stories and thoughts that are on repeat. The self-judgment that sneaks in most days. The past experiences that shape who we are and how we interact with the world.

How do we change the narrative, get rid of the stories, process the experiences in a way that allows us to release the pain and uncertainty? Awareness is the first step. Note the themes that show up in your life. Do you always react a certain way when you witness a specific type of behavior? Do you have a strange aversion to something and don’t know why? Do you have a persistent thought that won’t go away? Are you putting something off for way too long?

I’m noticing and testing my limits while in transit. For example, I spent four days socializing, eating, and drinking this past weekend. The lead-up to this was prepping for the graduation celebration that preceded the four-day extravaganza.

I really tested my limits of socializing. I am an introvert, and I’m great one-on-one, pretty good with a few people, and not so good with a crowd. I get overwhelmed by the noise and energy e.g. many conversations going on simultaneously.

This isn’t news. I know crowds are not my thing. I know extensive socializing over many days is exhausting for me. I know I become cranky and hard to be around…

Have you ever wondered why your friend, partner, colleague, or family member doesn’t understand your needs? It might sound something like the following. They should know without me telling them. If they knew me at all, they would know what I am feeling or thinking. They should know to give me a raise. They should know to back me up in that meeting. They should know that would upset me. They should know I wanted that thing. They should know I don’t like that thing.

Guess what? Most of us are not mind readers. No matter how much you think someone “should know” what you are thinking, it’s quite possible they do not. Communicate your needs! It won’t guarantee you get what you want, but you will feel much better if you communicate expectations.

I get why you feel so strongly about someone close to you knowing what you need. There is a bond there. You spend hours every day with them. Why don’t they know? You mull over your unmet needs and become more frustrated by the minute. You stockpile your emotions and create a story that takes up valuable brain space. Stress and anxiety kick in, and then resentment steps in.

The fact is that we all live in our heads (aka, minds) and our heads are busy processing the world around us. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to perform, to earn, to succeed, to learn, and to know. It’s exhausting. I’m surprised anyone has the bandwidth to function. We are in survival mode! Our brains can barely hold what we already know. Why add pressure with unvoiced expectations?

Are you a curious person? Do you go down the rabbit hole when you are interested in a topic? Curiosity is a superpower, in my opinion. Seriously. I am a voracious reader, sometimes a book a week. It’s all fiction - usually historical fiction mysteries. When it comes to non-fiction, I often listen instead of reading text. I’m that annoying friend who finds an article or podcast and forwards it to people I think will be interested. And then I ask them if it resonated and see if they want to discuss it.

The more curious I become, the more life opens up for me.

I encourage you to get curious. Take a course. Read a book. Listen to a podcast or an audiobook. Ask questions of friends and strangers alike. Get to know people.

What are some benefits of being curious, you ask? Well, there are many.

Enhances Learning and Knowledge: Curiosity drives us to explore unfamiliar topics, which actually strengthens our capacity to learn. We also absorb information more effectively when we are genuinely interested in a given subject matter. Have you ever read a paragraph numerous times because you just can’t seem to absorb it? You might have too much on your mind or you are just not that interested in the topic.

Improves Problem-Solving Skills: Curiosity allows us to approach challenges with a fresh perspective. We tend to consider multiple angles, making it easier to find innovative solutions. Ever had an aha moment about an issue you are trying to solve? That’s you being open to options!

Strengthens Relationships: Asking questions and showing genuine interest in others’ lives and experiences can deepen our connections. Curiosity helps us understand and empathize with others, which builds trust. Have you ever found out something about someone that was surprising? How did you not know that about them?!

Fosters Personal Growth: Curiosity prompts self-reflection and exploration, allowing us to better understand our strengths, weaknesses, and passions. It encourages us to step out of our comfort zones and embrace change, which is pretty essential for personal development.

So, how does one cultivate curiosity?

Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of focusing on yes-or-no questions…

I first worked with a coach in 2015. My coach, Scott, supported me in building my freelance business. I had been a successful producer for close to 15 years by then. Yet, every time I relocated, I had to establish myself in a new city - no small task. One of the first steps was to list my goals. Mine were to build confidence and trust in what I bring to the table professionally, develop plans to strengthen and expand my skill set, and learn to focus on the things that matter most professionally.

Scott is a fantastic coach and helped me identify my true strengths as a producer and own them. In other words, I became confident in my abilities and learned to trust my instincts. He was instrumental in helping me learn how to promote myself effectively. I also stopped avoiding the more challenging parts of being a freelance professional. Scott didn’t just focus on the professional side of things. He also helped me find balance in my life. I tended to be all work and very little play. He helped me understand that this imbalance did not serve me and that finding a balance socially, physically, and spiritually was just as important.

There are all types of coaches in the world - some focus on your physical or emotional well-being, some focus on your professional well-being, and others may be generalists. No matter their focus, they will provide guidance and support through the practice of intentional listening, reflection, goal setting, and accountability.

Here are a few ways a coach can support you.

Clarifying Goals and Vision: A life coach helps you define what you truly want. For example, you may want a new career, to navigate your job more effectively, to live a healthier life, to find your purpose, or to improve your relationships. No matter your intention, your coach will support you by asking insightful questions, listening without judgment, and providing structured tools.

Overcoming Obstacles and Limiting Beliefs: We all have beliefs…