Last week, I was having a perfectly lovely conversation with a friend. We were talking about our plans for the future when something they said completely triggered me. I nearly burst into tears right in the middle of the conversation. I eventually got off the call and then went into a full-blown spiral.

Not their fault. They were simply sharing what was happening in their life. They had absolutely no idea that I had launched into a spectacular pity party, complete with all my old stories, yelling at the universe to give me a break.

A bit dramatic? Perhaps.

But I couldn't ignore it.

One thing I've learned about myself is that I'm usually pretty aware of what triggers me. I don't let myself off the hook. I sit with it and try to understand why it landed so hard. Eventually, I have to surrender to it and trust that, if I'm willing to stay with it long enough, something deeper will reveal itself.

More often than not, it's something I've faced before.

In fact, I was convinced I'd already dealt with this one…

Have you ever thought about how you show up in the world — not just what you do, but the energy you bring to the spaces and people around you?

As a coach (and a human), I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on that question. For years, I carried a story that I didn’t matter — that my presence didn’t make much difference. It’s a story that shaped how I interacted with others and how I saw myself.

When I finally let go of that story, something shifted. I began to see how much I do matter, how we all do. But with that realization came a responsibility: to be aware of how I show up.

One theme that keeps showing up for me is how often we make assumptions about others — sometimes we’re right, but often, we’re not. We build stories about people, and those stories are a form of judgment.

I’ve noticed how easy it is to settle for difficult behavior rather than address it, perhaps because we’ve tried before and nothing changed. I’ve seen frustration and disappointment take root, and I’ve watched people choose silence because speaking up feels like too much effort — or feels pointless. 

Again with the Assumptions!

But here’s the thing: true communication begins with awareness and compassion, both for ourselves and others.
If you find yourself struggling with someone’s behavior, start by looking inward.

Letting go has been a significant theme for me for quite some time. The stories I tell myself. The self-judgement. The persistent thoughts. The experiences that have made an indelible impact on my life.

It’s not just me. As a coach, I hear this frequently. I hear it from my friends and family. I hear it in my communities. The stories and thoughts that are on repeat. The self-judgment that sneaks in most days. The past experiences that shape who we are and how we interact with the world.

How do we change the narrative, get rid of the stories, process the experiences in a way that allows us to release the pain and uncertainty? Awareness is the first step. Note the themes that show up in your life. Do you always react a certain way when you witness a specific type of behavior? Do you have a strange aversion to something and don’t know why? Do you have a persistent thought that won’t go away? Are you putting something off for way too long?

I’m noticing and testing my limits while in transit. For example, I spent four days socializing, eating, and drinking this past weekend. The lead-up to this was prepping for the graduation celebration that preceded the four-day extravaganza.

I really tested my limits of socializing. I am an introvert, and I’m great one-on-one, pretty good with a few people, and not so good with a crowd. I get overwhelmed by the noise and energy e.g. many conversations going on simultaneously.

This isn’t news. I know crowds are not my thing. I know extensive socializing over many days is exhausting for me. I know I become cranky and hard to be around…

Have you ever wondered why your friend, partner, colleague, or family member doesn’t understand your needs? It might sound something like the following. They should know without me telling them. If they knew me at all, they would know what I am feeling or thinking. They should know to give me a raise. They should know to back me up in that meeting. They should know that would upset me. They should know I wanted that thing. They should know I don’t like that thing.

Guess what? Most of us are not mind readers. No matter how much you think someone “should know” what you are thinking, it’s quite possible they do not. Communicate your needs! It won’t guarantee you get what you want, but you will feel much better if you communicate expectations.

I get why you feel so strongly about someone close to you knowing what you need. There is a bond there. You spend hours every day with them. Why don’t they know? You mull over your unmet needs and become more frustrated by the minute. You stockpile your emotions and create a story that takes up valuable brain space. Stress and anxiety kick in, and then resentment steps in.

The fact is that we all live in our heads (aka, minds) and our heads are busy processing the world around us. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to perform, to earn, to succeed, to learn, and to know. It’s exhausting. I’m surprised anyone has the bandwidth to function. We are in survival mode! Our brains can barely hold what we already know. Why add pressure with unvoiced expectations?