This one is a doozy! Maybe “doozy” isn’t quite accurate. It falls into the “your actions just proved your point” category. I recorded a video about self-forgiveness back in October and never felt like it was the right time to share it. I decided to revisit the video and was equal parts critical and ok with it.

Let’s start with what’s ok with it. It’s a relevant message. We are all self-critical and it’s time to evaluate whether our negative thoughts and stories are serving us. It’s authentic and vulnerable. I promised myself I would show who I am in my posts. It shares some hard truths that you will relate to in some way.

And then…I went to the critical. I don’t look my best. I’m repetitive. The lighting and positioning could be better. I wish I had filmed it horizontally. Maybe I should re-record it? Do I want this out in the world if it is not up to par? You wrote about this topic in a previous post. Essentially, I was proving the point of the video. We are our own worst critics, and the negative self-talk is real.

I pushed myself to evaluate it again from my heart instead of my head…

Have you ever wondered why your friend, partner, colleague, or family member doesn’t understand your needs? It might sound something like the following. They should know without me telling them. If they knew me at all, they would know what I am feeling or thinking. They should know to give me a raise. They should know to back me up in that meeting. They should know that would upset me. They should know I wanted that thing. They should know I don’t like that thing.

Guess what? Most of us are not mind readers. No matter how much you think someone “should know” what you are thinking, it’s quite possible they do not. Communicate your needs! It won’t guarantee you get what you want, but you will feel much better if you communicate expectations.

I get why you feel so strongly about someone close to you knowing what you need. There is a bond there. You spend hours every day with them. Why don’t they know? You mull over your unmet needs and become more frustrated by the minute. You stockpile your emotions and create a story that takes up valuable brain space. Stress and anxiety kick in, and then resentment steps in.

The fact is that we all live in our heads (aka, minds) and our heads are busy processing the world around us. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to perform, to earn, to succeed, to learn, and to know. It’s exhausting. I’m surprised anyone has the bandwidth to function. We are in survival mode! Our brains can barely hold what we already know. Why add pressure with unvoiced expectations?

Whoa! I’ve done a tremendous amount of numbing in the past few weeks. What I mean by numbing is when one does something on repeat to avoid something bothering them, for self-preservation, or both.

Binge-watching TV shows is a perfect example (my favorite and go-to). Others are shopping for things you do not need, working non-stop, and eating A LOT of unhealthy food.

Numbing doesn’t have to be a bad thing unless it’s your standard coping mechanism.

In fact, it can be a great form of self-preservation. For example…

Are you a curious person? Do you go down the rabbit hole when you are interested in a topic? Curiosity is a superpower, in my opinion. Seriously. I am a voracious reader, sometimes a book a week. It’s all fiction - usually historical fiction mysteries. When it comes to non-fiction, I often listen instead of reading text. I’m that annoying friend who finds an article or podcast and forwards it to people I think will be interested. And then I ask them if it resonated and see if they want to discuss it.

The more curious I become, the more life opens up for me.

I encourage you to get curious. Take a course. Read a book. Listen to a podcast or an audiobook. Ask questions of friends and strangers alike. Get to know people.

What are some benefits of being curious, you ask? Well, there are many.

Enhances Learning and Knowledge: Curiosity drives us to explore unfamiliar topics, which actually strengthens our capacity to learn. We also absorb information more effectively when we are genuinely interested in a given subject matter. Have you ever read a paragraph numerous times because you just can’t seem to absorb it? You might have too much on your mind or you are just not that interested in the topic.

Improves Problem-Solving Skills: Curiosity allows us to approach challenges with a fresh perspective. We tend to consider multiple angles, making it easier to find innovative solutions. Ever had an aha moment about an issue you are trying to solve? That’s you being open to options!

Strengthens Relationships: Asking questions and showing genuine interest in others’ lives and experiences can deepen our connections. Curiosity helps us understand and empathize with others, which builds trust. Have you ever found out something about someone that was surprising? How did you not know that about them?!

Fosters Personal Growth: Curiosity prompts self-reflection and exploration, allowing us to better understand our strengths, weaknesses, and passions. It encourages us to step out of our comfort zones and embrace change, which is pretty essential for personal development.

So, how does one cultivate curiosity?

Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of focusing on yes-or-no questions…

I am going to tackle a couple of topics: fear of judgment and the importance of feeling grounded during unsettling times.

I’ll start by sharing a personal story about my experience with judgment. I have wanted to add video content to my blog for a very long time and have been 𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴. The ironic part is that I was a producer for 20+ years, so I know how to do this. It didn't matter. Knowing I am an expert in this field just made me more nervous.

I finally got up the nerve to record my first video 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙟𝙪𝙙𝙜𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙗𝙚𝙜𝙖𝙣. I don't look very good. The audio and lighting could be better. The picture quality is not great. I don't like how I positioned myself in front of the camera. I don't like the background. Is the content compelling enough?

Here's the thing. 𝗪𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗰𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗰𝘀. 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗯𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗲𝘆𝗲𝘀. Am I right?

In the midst of analyzing a spreadsheet full of career options, pros, cons, and practical considerations with my client, I noticed something missing: the heart. We were fully immersed in the logic and next steps but the emotional and intuitive aspect of decision-making was left out.

It’s easy to forget how powerful the heart is when making choices, especially in something as monumental as a career change. I dare to say you should consider your heart in almost any decision you make from what ice cream flavor you want to bigger decisions that impact you as well as everyone around you.

Honestly, why wouldn’t you add your heart to the mix? After all, major life decisions like switching careers, relocating, retiring, or beginning a new relationship all deserve to be viewed through your heart. Heart-centered decisions resonate on a deeper level. You are not only considering external success. You are considering internal fulfillment.

Asking questions like “What would your heart say?” and “What would your heart do?” seem pretty relevant to major decisions. You are thinking about committing to something big. It is a 24/7 change. It will affect how you view yourself, how you live your life, and how you interact with others. It will affect your emotional and physical well-being. It should feel right—not just logically, but emotionally.

You are probably asking “How do I ask my heart if I am making the right decision?”, “What if my heart says no to a decision I thought I should make?”, “What if I’m not sure?”

Here are a few things to consider when making heart-centered decisions...