The power of saying no
The word “NO” is magical. You heard me correctly. It’s a life-saving, stress-reducing, freedom-providing word. Most of us feel some obligation to say “YES” to a request - an invite, a task, taking on extra work. It could be pride, wanting to look good, feeling like you owe someone something, or guilt.
Let’s look at what saying no can do for you.
Time protector: Who here could use some extra time? Saying no can free up time to do what is important to you - family time, leisure time, travel time, you time.
Stress reducer: Are you prone to overcommitting? How many of you have said yes to extra work, joining a committee, hosting a party, or just stack your days with back-to-back obligations? Are you feeling stressed just thinking about it? Saying no allows for a manageable schedule and a healthy work-life balance.
Focus enhancer: Does your brain feel cluttered? Over-obligating is exhausting. It saps your energy and scatters your focus. Allowing enough time for yourself to be still and breath is a gift. You deserve that gift.
Power provider: Do you feel like your life is a bit out of control when you take on too much? Your needs and time are just as important as everyone else’s. You will be a better partner, parent, friend, colleague, and daughter/son if you take care of yourself. The directive to put your oxygen mask on first applies here.
Let’s practice saying no.
Establish Your Priorities: Be clear about your intentions, values, and priorities. This clarity makes it easier to decide what to say no to.
Be Polite but Firm: You can say no with grace. “I appreciate the offer, but I can’t commit right now” or “Thank you for thinking of me, but I have to pass” can be very effective.
Don’t Over-Explain: A simple and clear no is often sufficient. No one needs a lengthy explanation and it weakens your “no” and leads to further discussion. It’s your life and your time. Own it.
Practice Self-Compassion: Understand that saying no is not selfish; it's an act of self-respect. Give yourself permission to prioritize your own well-being.
Use a Delayed Response: If you’re unsure, buy yourself some time. Say, “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.” This gives you the space to make a thoughtful decision.
Let’s look at it from the other person’s perspective.
Your demeanor: What if you were invited to a party and they could tell by your demeanor that you did not want to be there? You might be good at putting on a happy face and people can usually see through that.
Your boss is not a mind reader: What if your boss realized that the extra work you took on was causing undue stress or that you were considering leaving due to burn-out? Maybe they are wondering why you didn’t speak up. After all, they won’t know you are suffering unless you tell them.
You’ve trained them: What if your family takes it for granted that you will do all the chores? Sometimes it is easier to do all the things and then you are left doing all things all of the time.
In short, fewer commitments means less mental clutter. Setting boundaries prevents feelings of resentment and overwhelm. Reducing stress can lead to better sleep, more energy, and a stronger immune system. Who doesn’t want mental clarity, and emotional and physical health?
So, respect yourself and your limits and make conscious choices that support your overall well-being and happiness. Say yes to you!