boundary setting: why it matters and how to do it
Do you say yes to every request without even thinking about it? Are you frustrated when you are expected to work the extra hours or answer work emails after hours? Are you everyone’s go-to for advice or to help out in some way?
I hate to break it to you but you may be part of the problem. You have trained your boss, partner, family, and friends to expect you to be there for them no matter what. The good news is that you can also train them to respect your boundaries.
Why do we say yes to everything? Why is setting boundaries so difficult?
Fear of disappointing others is a big one. Another one is the need for approval. Or you may feel obliged to say yes out of guilt. Some people avoid conflict at all costs and choose to go along with any request to get along with others. You may be conditioned not to set boundaries. It also could be based on cultural or societal expectations and norms. And finally, self-worth can play a role. If you have low self-esteem you may not feel you deserve to set boundaries.
Let’s move on to why it is important to set boundaries.
It protects your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It allows you to prioritize self-care and prevent burnout, resentment, and exhaustion.
It helps you to develop healthy relationships through an understanding of each other’s needs. It ensures that both parties feel respected and valued.
It strengthens self-respect. You are sending a message that your needs, feelings, and limits are important and deserve to be honored.
It empowers you to take control of your life and make choices that align with your values and priorities.
It fosters communication and promotes open and honest dialog in relationships.
So how do you set those seemingly elusive boundaries?
Start by identifying your needs, values, and priorities. Determine what is important to you and your limits and boundaries.
Communicate your boundaries to others respectfully and assertively and don't feel guilty or apologize for asserting yourself.
Consistency is critical. This is not a once-in-a-while thing. Others will get the message and learn to respect your boundaries.
Surround yourself with supportive individuals who respect your boundaries. Seek guidance from a therapist or coach if you need help navigating difficult situations or setting boundaries in challenging relationships.
Remember why you are setting boundaries. This is for you. This is self-care. Taking care of yourself allows you to show up as your best self in your relationships and responsibilities.