“It’s Complicated” is my least favorite phrase
I’ve removed the words “it’s complicated” from my vocabulary. The reason is that WE make it complicated. It is our emotions and beliefs around a certain set of circumstances that complicate things, not the circumstances themselves.
“It’s complicated” is a catchall phrase. We use it when there is more than one thing going on or it’s difficult to explain in just a few words. We use it because there are conflicting emotions or mixed feelings involved. Or we use it as a form of avoidance because we’re not ready to talk about it.
Maybe you were laid off and are starting to panic. It’s been a year since you worked. You are struggling to pay your bills. You can’t seem to get any interviews. You feel like a failure. You are questioning your worth. You are convinced you will never get another job. You are overwhelmed and don’t want to deal much less talk about it. When someone asks what you are doing to find a job, your response is “It’s complicated”. We have a set of circumstances and we layer it with our fears, insecurities, and emotions. It’s a potent package.
I get it. Situations can be layered and we are not always ready to deal with circumstances because they are fraught with anxiety and fear.
I have come to believe that the use of “it’s complicated” can ultimately hinder personal growth. It’s a default phrase. “It’s complicated” hinders further exploration of the issue, it sets the stage to avoid accountability, and it effectively shuts down communication causing misunderstandings or misinterpretations. And my least favorite, “it’s complicated” can reinforce negative beliefs about yourself. Essentially, “it’s complicated” risks stagnation. You are resigned to what is.
Let’s switch our approach:
Focus on possibility. What solutions are there to consider? How can I improve my situation and my outlook?
Uncomplicate it. Break it down into its parts and tackle them one by one. Achieving smaller steps creates a sense of accomplishment and progress.
Challenge your negative beliefs. Your negative or limiting beliefs can prevent you from moving forward. They act as a roadblock and can stop you in your tracks. Ask yourself what is really true vs what you have decided is true. Are these beliefs serving you?
Get help. We are not meant to struggle alone. We all need encouragement and guidance. Grab a friend, family member, coach, or therapist and share what is going on.
Adopt a growth mindset. View your “complicated” circumstances with curiosity. It’s an opportunity for discovery.
Picture it. Visualize your success in vivid detail. You are six months into your new remote job, sipping a cup of coffee at your kitchen table, taking your dog for a walk midday, conversing with your co-workers and making plans to meet them in person, checking your bank account for the paycheck that gives you financial security, and thinking about the new couch you are going to buy.
Take action. Set your intentions, create a plan, break it down into smaller achievable steps, and start.
Change the narrative from “it’s complicated” to “it’s possible”.