The word “NO” is magical. You heard me correctly. It’s a life-saving, stress-reducing, freedom-providing word. Most of us feel some obligation to say “YES” to a request - an invite, a task, taking on extra work. It could be pride, wanting to look good, feeling like you owe someone something, or guilt.

Let’s look at what saying no can do for you.

Time protector: Who here could use some extra time? Saying no can free up time to do what is important to you - family time, leisure time, travel time, you time.

Stress reducer: Are you prone to overcommitting? How many of you have said yes to extra work, joining a committee, hosting a party, or just stack your days with back-to-back obligations? Are you feeling stressed just thinking about it? Saying no allows for a manageable schedule and a healthy work-life balance.

Focus enhancer: Does your brain feel cluttered? Over-obligating is exhausting. It saps your energy and scatters your focus. Allowing enough time for yourself to be still and breath is a gift. You deserve that gift.

Power provider: Do you feel like your life is a bit out of control when you take on too much? Your needs and time are just as important as everyone else’s. You will be a better partner, parent, friend, colleague, and daughter/son if you take care of yourself. The directive to put your oxygen mask on first applies here.

Let’s practice saying no.

Establish Your Priorities: Be clear about your intentions…

Thinking about making a big life change, like finding a new job, switching careers, moving across the country, or retiring? It's no small task! Here’s a useful tool to get you started.

First, set aside some dedicated time, even if it’s just an hour. Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. Write down your answers in a notebook or computer. This will be a great resource as you forge ahead.

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. What Big Life Change do I want to make?

Clearly indicate the change you are considering. For example, “I want to relocate,” “I want to find a new job,” “I want to change careers,” or “I want to retire.”

If you’re not sure exactly what you want to do, start with a feeling: “I want to feel more secure financially,” “I want to lead a more fulfilling life,” “I want to experience what it’s like living in a larger city,” etc.

2. Why do I want to make this change?

List all the reasons driving your desire for this change. Be honest and detailed:

“I want to move to be closer to friends or family.”

“I have always wanted to live near the ocean/mountains/lake.”

“I want to find a new job that is more fulfilling or challenging.”

“I want to make more money.”

“I don’t like my new boss.”

“I need a job near where I live.”

“I want to change to a career that gives me purpose and/or has better potential for advancement.”

“I want to retire so I can spend more time traveling, spend more time with my family, or check off things on my bucket list.”

3. When do I want to make this change?

Set a timeline for the change you want to make. For instance, “I want to find …

I am all over the place these days! I am having trouble focusing on the here and now? My brain is a bit foggy. I switch gears in the middle of doing one thing to do another. My physical well-being is on the fritz - I tested positive for COVID for the 1st time. I thought I was invincible - immune to COVID. Nope. My emotions are all over the place too. I am happy one minute and sad the next. There was a scene in a show I was watching that just did me in…I was sobbing. What the heck! Seriously!

The more my mental, physical, and emotional well-being goes astray, the more unfocused I become. I shared the fact that I tested positive for COVID with some very astute coaches. The key takeaway is that this downtime is a gift - everything I think I need to do can wait. It’s a time to be still, be aware, and watch for messages from the universe.

So that is what I’m doing. I am slowly becoming acutely aware of why I am unfocused, physically depleted, and emotionally drained.

First, I am grieving the loss of my parents - my father a few months ago and my mother six years ago. It comes out of nowhere. That’s the way grief works. My desire to talk to them is deep and profound.

Second, I am in transition. In fact, I have been in a constant state of change and transition for close to 10 months now including a relocation and a loss. I would normally be close to settled in my new life except for the fact that I plan to move again. I feel untethered, ungrounded, and exhausted…

I honestly…

Do you set a goal, try to figure out how to achieve it, and run into obstacles that stop you from working toward your goal? Do these obstacles feel distinctly personal like maybe you are getting in your own way? Perhaps assessing your fears instead of setting goals is a good place to start.

After all, fear is a powerful driver that can stop us in our tracks. So, what is the cost of inaction?

Stagnation and Regret: Fear can often dictate our decisions and actions. Allowing this to happen risks stagnation and possibly missing out on growth opportunities. Over time, this can lead to feelings of regret and ultimately dissatisfaction with our lack of action.

Missed Opportunities: Fear can stop us from stepping outside of our comfort zone and grabbing opportunities that come our way. We miss out on experiences and connections that can lead to something you never thought possible.

Diminished Confidence: Each missed opportunity reinforces the belief that we are incapable or unworthy of success. This tends to perpetuate a cycle of inaction and self-doubt.

Hiding in Plain Sight: The more inaction…

Do you say yes to every request without even thinking about it? Are you frustrated when you are expected to work the extra hours or answer work emails after hours? Are you everyone’s go-to for advice or to help out in some way?

I hate to break it to you but you may be part of the problem. You have trained your boss, partner, family, and friends to expect you to be there for them no matter what. The good news is that you can also train them to respect your boundaries.

Why do we say yes to everything? Why is setting boundaries so difficult?

Fear of disappointing others is a big one. Another one is the need for approval. Or you may feel obliged to say yes out of guilt. Some people avoid conflict at all costs and choose to go along with any request to get along with others. You may be conditioned not to set boundaries. It also could be based on cultural or societal expectations and norms. And finally, self-worth can play a role. If you have low self-esteem you may not feel you deserve to set boundaries.

Let’s move on to why it is important to set boundaries.

It protects your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It allows you to prioritize self-care and prevent burnout, resentment, and exhaustion.

It helps you to develop healthy relationships…

Have you experienced the loss of a loved one recently? Are you having a hard time processing your emotions?

I lost my father recently. He was 99 years old and lived a full vibrant life. I feel so fortunate to have had him in my life for so long. He survived my mom by six years who died in 2018. The fact that both my parents are gone is daunting because they brought the family together. They loved spending time with their six kids. They were our center.

My mom was the life force of the family. She was also the family worrier and made sure she and my dad checked in with each of us on a regular basis. My father took over as the family worrier when she passed and called all six of us every day. He so wanted to be there for us and would end each call with “Is there anything I can do for you?”

Let’s talk about those emotions that you are busy processing.

Are you allowing yourself to feel? The emotions of grief and loss are going to be there whether you want them or not and you may not always appreciate when they show up. It could be in the middle of a conversation or the middle of a work day. Grief is not on a schedule. Regardless, let the feelings come. It’s all part of the process.

Are you sharing your feelings with your family and friends? My siblings and I are all grieving in our own ways. I find it hits me when I least expect it, this profound sadness. My eyes well up and I wonder what we are going to do without him. I will let one of my siblings know if I am having a hard time. It’s usually as simple as telling them that I miss him. My sister and I text each other when the sadness creeps up on us. The important thing is to share these emotions. Your family will be grateful that they aren’t the only ones feeling this way and your friends want to be there for you…