I think about my future all too often. Being present and in the moment is challenging for me. Ok, I’m going to cut myself some slack here. I’ve experienced a tremendous amount of change this past year - relocating and losing a parent among them. And now I am trying to figure out what’s next for me. Where will I live? What does my coaching practice look like? Do I need to find other work while my business grows? It’s a lot to think about and it tends to keep me in future mode.

That being said, constantly being in future mode, while exciting, can also be stressful and anxiety-inducing.

Does any of this sound familiar? Do you struggle to remain in the present?

So what is the solution? What can keep us in the here and now?

Here are some practical ways to stay in the moment.

Mindfulness practices - You can incorporate small moments of mindfulness throughout your day. For instance, when you’re drinking your morning coffee or tea, focus on the warmth of the cup in your hands and take in the aroma and the taste. While cooking, pay attention to the ingredients, how you are combining them, and the delicious aromas. These simple acts of awareness can anchor you to the present moment.

Mindful Breathing - If you find yourself dwelling on the future, breathe deeply for a few minutes. Add visualization to the mix - as you inhale, imagine breathing in calmness and clarity, and as you exhale, visualize releasing stress and tension. You can then add movement by extending your arms overhead when inhaling and lowering them slowly when exhaling.

Mindful Communication - Practice reflective listening when communicating with friends and family. In this instance, you are truly hearing what the other is saying and reflecting it back to them in your own words...

Childhood is all about unabashed curiosity. I used to spend an inordinate amount of time playing with my Barbie dolls (don’t judge!) - acting out scenarios, dressing them up, and creating a dialog between them. And then there was my Easy Bake oven where I mastered the birthday cake. Summers were devoted to pool time where I spent hours playing or at least until my lips turned blue. This play was all fueled by curiosity.

And then, somewhere along the line, I tamped down my curiosity. I’m not sure when it happened. It’s not uncommon. It happens as we head toward adulthood. Life gets in the way. We get busy with work, obligations, and our social lives. We might think we are being judged and our curiosity gets tamped down even more. Our fears take hold and we think we are not capable of achieving something. We may question our self-worth and believe that we don’t deserve something.

I started to miss my curiosity so I began to explore why it had diminished as much as it did. It took a lot of self-exploration and I realized I was hiding behind my fears and limiting beliefs. I was living in my own little safety bubble. I was playing it small.

I was so grateful when my curiosity slowly reappeared. I hadn’t fully realized the impact it had had on my life. And you know what reappeared with it…

The word “NO” is magical. You heard me correctly. It’s a life-saving, stress-reducing, freedom-providing word. Most of us feel some obligation to say “YES” to a request - an invite, a task, taking on extra work. It could be pride, wanting to look good, feeling like you owe someone something, or guilt.

Let’s look at what saying no can do for you.

Time protector: Who here could use some extra time? Saying no can free up time to do what is important to you - family time, leisure time, travel time, you time.

Stress reducer: Are you prone to overcommitting? How many of you have said yes to extra work, joining a committee, hosting a party, or just stack your days with back-to-back obligations? Are you feeling stressed just thinking about it? Saying no allows for a manageable schedule and a healthy work-life balance.

Focus enhancer: Does your brain feel cluttered? Over-obligating is exhausting. It saps your energy and scatters your focus. Allowing enough time for yourself to be still and breath is a gift. You deserve that gift.

Power provider: Do you feel like your life is a bit out of control when you take on too much? Your needs and time are just as important as everyone else’s. You will be a better partner, parent, friend, colleague, and daughter/son if you take care of yourself. The directive to put your oxygen mask on first applies here.

Let’s practice saying no.

Establish Your Priorities: Be clear about your intentions…

Do you say yes to every request without even thinking about it? Are you frustrated when you are expected to work the extra hours or answer work emails after hours? Are you everyone’s go-to for advice or to help out in some way?

I hate to break it to you but you may be part of the problem. You have trained your boss, partner, family, and friends to expect you to be there for them no matter what. The good news is that you can also train them to respect your boundaries.

Why do we say yes to everything? Why is setting boundaries so difficult?

Fear of disappointing others is a big one. Another one is the need for approval. Or you may feel obliged to say yes out of guilt. Some people avoid conflict at all costs and choose to go along with any request to get along with others. You may be conditioned not to set boundaries. It also could be based on cultural or societal expectations and norms. And finally, self-worth can play a role. If you have low self-esteem you may not feel you deserve to set boundaries.

Let’s move on to why it is important to set boundaries.

It protects your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It allows you to prioritize self-care and prevent burnout, resentment, and exhaustion.

It helps you to develop healthy relationships…

It took me a while to understand what it meant to be a highly sensitive person (HSP). I thought it was someone who reacted strongly to situations and if I’m being truthful, I thought it was someone who over-reacted. Come to find out I am somewhat correct. As with most things, there is just more to it. Highly sensitive persons react more strongly to internal and external stimuli such as pain, hunger, light, and noise. They are also more upset than others by tension and feelings of being overwhelmed. And they tend to have a more complex inner life.

Just to be clear, it is not a mental health disorder but rather a personality trait that exists in a person to varying degrees. This personality trait is known as sensory-processing sensitivity (SPS). I’m actually relieved to know that there is a term for it. I always wondered why I am sensitive to noise and light. I am also highly sensitive to violence, tragedy, and tension which are part of being an SPS. I am not one of those people who slow down on the highway when they see an accident. I make sure I add news blackouts to my routine as news stories about wars and death disturb me more than the average person. I always turn the channel when the ads about cruelty to animals come on.

You may think this is a form of sticking your head in the sand. Make no mistake, it is self-preservation for a highly sensitive person.

If you are wondering if you are an HSP, here are a few indicators:

You experience emotions more deeply than the average person. A sad movie or even a touching ad can trigger tears (ME!). You appreciate natural beauty on a profound level and you are deeply moved by art and music.

You feel physical sensations intensely. In other words, you are hyper-aware of physical sensations, such as being more aware of noise and light. Another personal example is that I feel an all-over body tingling when I almost hurt myself if I trip on a rug or miss a step.

You think deeply. You tend to take in more information…

I have come to believe that the use of “it’s complicated” can ultimately hinder personal growth. It’s a default phrase. “It’s complicated” hinders further exploration of the issue, it sets the stage to avoid accountability, and it effectively shuts down communication causing misunderstandings or misinterpretations. And my least favorite, “it’s complicated” can reinforce negative beliefs about yourself. Essentially, “it’s complicated” risks stagnation. You are resigned to what is.

Let’s switch our approach:

Focus on possibility. What solutions are there to consider? How can I improve my situation and my outlook?

Un-complicate it. Break it down into its parts and tackle them one by one. Achieving smaller steps creates a sense of accomplishment and progress.

Challenge your negative beliefs. Your negative or limiting beliefs can prevent you from moving forward. They act as a roadblock and can stop you in your tracks. Ask yourself what is really true vs what you have decided is true. Are these beliefs serving you?

Get help. We are not meant to struggle alone. We all need encouragement and guidance. Grab a friend, family member, coach, or therapist and share what is going on…