I had an experience recently that brought up some old insecurities. I was triggered emotionally, and I was really surprised by my reaction. It took me at least 24 hours to understand why I reacted the way I did. I realized that the old insecurity was that I didn’t belong.

I was a bit embarrassed by it. I hadn’t felt that way in so long and honestly thought I had dealt with it and moved on. That’s the thing about triggers. They are here to guide us and point to places that still need healing.

For most of my life, I’ve carried the belief that I didn’t fit in. It shaped the way I moved through the world. It made me question my worth. And, at times, it made me feel very alone.

So I began to look within because the pain of staying the same finally outweighed the fear of change.

I’ve noticed how attached I am to finding my purpose. I seem to want to label it, define it, and sum it up into a nice elevator pitch.

What I also know is that I DO NOT LIKE labels and I don’t buy into the old ways and the “shoulds”. None of it works for me anymore. I know I’m not alone. It’s a running theme in many conversations I have had of late.

Where does that leave me and anyone else who wants to jump on “the old ways don’t work anymore” bandwagon? I’m mostly talking about running a business - the likes, the follows, the income, the optimum # of clients. You can apply “the old ways don’t work anymore” theory to just about everything these days, though.

June has been an interesting month full of insights, reflection, and mirroring. What I mean by mirroring is that I see myself in others, and it’s not all good…

The mirroring thing has been happening to me all month. If this is some kind of message, I’m hearing you loud and clear, universe! Not sure I need any more examples, thank you very much!

This growing awareness has become a valuable tool. It gives me the chance to pause, reflect, and ask some important questions.

At some point in my journey, I realized I needed to stop looking for happiness and fulfillment from external sources. Of course, this can happen, but it’s short-lived.

I realized that I needed to go within and discover what was holding me back. I learned a tremendous amount about myself, all the whys, whats, and hows of who I became. I began to gain a better understanding of who I am, and through a combination of awareness, acceptance, and letting go, I started to like myself. 

I don’t think we ever stop growing and learning. I realized that there was one more piece to the puzzle. I didn’t love myself.

I’m noticing and testing my limits while in transit. For example, I spent four days socializing, eating, and drinking this past weekend. The lead-up to this was prepping for the graduation celebration that preceded the four-day extravaganza.

I really tested my limits of socializing. I am an introvert, and I’m great one-on-one, pretty good with a few people, and not so good with a crowd. I get overwhelmed by the noise and energy e.g. many conversations going on simultaneously.

This isn’t news. I know crowds are not my thing. I know extensive socializing over many days is exhausting for me. I know I become cranky and hard to be around…

I don’t go to the beach seeking joy—at least not consciously. I go because it feels good. I go because it brings me peace. And yet, in those moments when I’m not striving or reaching or trying to make something happen, joy shows up. It appears right in front of me. I just have to notice it.

That’s the beautiful thing about joy. We don’t have to chase it. We don’t have to manufacture it or control the conditions. If we’re open, it will find us.

Take a listen to “What brings you joy?”…