Forgiveness is a BIG topic. We often hear about the importance of forgiving others—how carrying anger and resentment is a heavy load. Forgiveness lightens that emotional load. But what about forgiving yourself?

I’ve thought about this a lot. When I asked myself, "What do I need to forgive myself for?" a long list came to mind. I need to forgive myself for all the harsh things I’ve believed about myself. The inner voice that says I’m not smart enough, I weigh too much, I don’t always make the best choices, I didn’t follow through, I judged someone unfairly, I didn’t show enough kindness or empathy. The list seems endless. Writing it down is tough, but it’s necessary and it brings clarity.

So why am I so hard on myself? I know I’m not alone in this. Many of us have an inner critic that’s harsh and unforgiving. It’s important to explore where these thoughts come from. Understanding the root of your self-criticism is the first step toward dismantling it. Are these beliefs even true? Sure, some things may hold some truth—we all have moments of impatience or judgment—but they don’t have to define us. We’re human, after all, and humans are not perfect.

So, where do we go from there? How do we move beyond self-sabotaging thoughts and head toward self-forgiveness?

Self-doubt and intuition are two forces that shape the way we make decisions, move through life, and pursue our dreams. At first glance, they may seem like opposites—self-doubt being the voice that holds us back, while intuition guides us forward. Instead, think of these two internal forces as intertwined, often working together.

Understanding Self-Doubt

Self-doubt is that inner voice that questions our capabilities, skills, and decisions. It can be rooted in fear, past experiences, or someone else’s expectations. It is a natural human response designed to protect us from failure and uncertainty.

When doubt becomes our default reaction, it can become overpowering, stifling creativity and holding us back from pursuing opportunities that align with our true desires.

The Role of Intuition

Intuition, on the other hand, is a quiet but powerful sense of knowing. It’s often described as a gut feeling or an inner nudge that directs us toward what feels right. Intuition operates on a deeper level, processing subconscious information and aligning our actions with our values and goals. It’s our mind’s ability to synthesize complex information into a clear signal.

The Connection Between Self-Doubt and Intuition

The relationship between self-doubt and intuition is complex...

We all have thoughts, ideas, and dreams about our future. You may want to own a company, get a promotion, make a lot of money, start a foundation, buy a house, get a master’s or PHD, teach a course, travel the world, run a marathon, learn how to play a musical instrument, make a documentary, visit all of the national parks…

But what if you didn’t do any of those things? What if you chose to ignore your ideas or dreams, sidelining them indefinitely? How would you feel?

You may find yourself wondering why you didn’t take that leap, start that project, or pursue that passion. Over time, the missed opportunities could weigh heavily on your mind, leading to a sense of dissatisfaction or even resentment. Without following through, you might never fully understand your true potential or discover what you’re truly capable of achieving.

Regrets can be powerful and persistent emotions that linger long after opportunities have passed. When you set aside your dreams and ideas, the initial sense of comfort in avoiding risk or uncertainty might be quickly replaced by a nagging sense of “what could have been.”

Regrets can manifest in different ways...

I think about my future all too often. Being present and in the moment is challenging for me. Ok, I’m going to cut myself some slack here. I’ve experienced a tremendous amount of change this past year - relocating and losing a parent among them. And now I am trying to figure out what’s next for me. Where will I live? What does my coaching practice look like? Do I need to find other work while my business grows? It’s a lot to think about and it tends to keep me in future mode.

That being said, constantly being in future mode, while exciting, can also be stressful and anxiety-inducing.

Does any of this sound familiar? Do you struggle to remain in the present?

So what is the solution? What can keep us in the here and now?

Here are some practical ways to stay in the moment.

Mindfulness practices - You can incorporate small moments of mindfulness throughout your day. For instance, when you’re drinking your morning coffee or tea, focus on the warmth of the cup in your hands and take in the aroma and the taste. While cooking, pay attention to the ingredients, how you are combining them, and the delicious aromas. These simple acts of awareness can anchor you to the present moment.

Mindful Breathing - If you find yourself dwelling on the future, breathe deeply for a few minutes. Add visualization to the mix - as you inhale, imagine breathing in calmness and clarity, and as you exhale, visualize releasing stress and tension. You can then add movement by extending your arms overhead when inhaling and lowering them slowly when exhaling.

Mindful Communication - Practice reflective listening when communicating with friends and family. In this instance, you are truly hearing what the other is saying and reflecting it back to them in your own words...

Fear of failure is all too common. There’s judgment, mostly from yourself. I could have done better. I didn’t think it through. I feel like an idiot. I feel less than. What will people think?

Meanwhile, everyone else is impressed that you made the effort and put your all into it. They think it took courage and wish they were brave enough to try it, whatever “it” is. In fact, they are beating themselves up for not trying to make a go of it. And so it goes. Even folks who are impressed with your efforts are beating themselves up and feel like a failure.

Fear of failure is so embedded in our psyches that it stops us in our tracks. It’s like touching a hot burner. I won’t do that again.

What if you gave yourself permission to fail? Seriously. What if you changed your mindset about failure and approached it from curiosity? Treat it like an experiment - what if I tried this or this or this? What would happen? Ok, that didn’t quite work. What if I tried it this way? How much better would that be? How much more open to possibility would you be if you took the fear out of the equation? Ok, I’m not naive. A little angst is in order and probably healthy. It can certainly motivate you. And I know there are real-life consequences and others to think about. Yet, I can’t help thinking that a new approach may be a healthy choice.

Let’s explore what this shift in mindset can do for you.

Encourages innovation and creativity - When you're not afraid to fail…

Do you feel like you have no control over your circumstances or what is happening around you?

We all struggle with circumstances beyond our control. The world at large may feel like it is about to implode or feel tenuous at best. Add to this some personal circumstances you are experiencing that you may have little or no control over. It’s a recipe for stress and anxiety times 100!

First things first - there are a few things to consider that will help you take stock of the impact.

Awareness: Take note of how it makes you feel emotionally and physically. Do you feel stress or anxiety? Are you angry or frustrated? How is it showing up? Do you have a short temper? Are you struggling to stay focused? Are you exhausted? Are you losing sleep? Is it affecting your appetite? I’m here to tell you that any and all of these reactions are par for the course.

Acknowledgement: Take stock of all the things you CAN control - your daily activities, your reaction to life events, how you take care of yourself, the work that you do, who you socialize with, and what brings you joy. You may realize you have more control over your life than you originally thought.

Understanding: Understand that there are just some things that are beyond your control. By all means, take it all in, noodle on it for a while, maybe even dwell on it for an extended period of time. Then, take a deep breath and accept that there is very little and quite possibly nothing you can do about that particular thing! Feel the freedom of your acceptance. It’s liberating.

Now let’s discuss what you have the power to control…