A guide to What you can and cannot control
Do you feel like you have no control over your circumstances or what is happening around you?
We all struggle with circumstances beyond our control. The world at large may feel like it is about to implode or feel tenuous at best. Add to this some personal circumstances you are experiencing that you may have little or no control over. It’s a recipe for stress and anxiety times 100!
First things first - there are a few things to consider that will help you take stock of the impact.
Awareness: Take note of how it makes you feel emotionally and physically. Do you feel stress or anxiety? Are you angry or frustrated? How is it showing up? Do you have a short temper? Are you struggling to stay focused? Are you exhausted? Are you losing sleep? Is it affecting your appetite? I’m here to tell you that any and all of these reactions are par for the course.
Acknowledgement: Take stock of all the things you CAN control - your daily activities, your reaction to life events, how you take care of yourself, the work that you do, who you socialize with, and what brings you joy. You may realize you have more control over your life than you originally thought.
Understanding: Understand that there are just some things that are beyond your control. By all means, take it all in, noodle on it for a while, maybe even dwell on it for an extended period of time. Then, take a deep breath and accept that there is very little and quite possibly nothing you can do about that particular thing! Feel the freedom of your acceptance. It’s liberating.
Now let’s discuss what you have the power to control.
Your attitude: Life’s events can come out of the blue. I imagine it can be hard to go from OMG to I can handle this, with any expedience. Take a minute to decide your approach. Are you going to be resilient and optimistic in your approach or are you going to let it take you down?
Your Efforts: Decide where you want to put your effort. I’m hoping it is on some positive things you can control like expanding your social life, learning a new skill, or prepping for that interview.
Your Responses: Frustration rears its ugly head and then you are off to the races with impulsive reactions and comments. Take a beat and give some thought to what response will serve you and those around you best. You can control how you respond to situations.
Your self-care: What would it look like to prioritize you, your health, and your mental and emotional well-being? This will go a long way in helping with your attitude, efforts, and responses too.
What is out of your control are other people’s actions or reactions, external events like economic downturns or natural disasters, and a guarantee of a specific future outcome.
Here are some suggestions on how to get through it all with your sanity intact.
Set realistic goals for yourself
Be present through the practice of mindfulness
Develop resilience by treating challenges as opportunities
Cultivate a positive mindset through the practice of gratitude
Establish healthy boundaries to protect your energy and well-being
Seek support from welcoming communities
Develop self-care habits
You have the power to choose how you respond in any given moment and what you focus on. Choose thoughtfully.