Forgive yourself
Forgiveness is a BIG topic. We often hear about the importance of forgiving others—how carrying anger and resentment is a heavy load and that forgiveness lightens that emotional load.
But what about forgiving yourself? I’ve thought about this a lot. When I asked myself, "What do I need to forgive myself for?" a long list came to mind. I need to forgive myself for all the harsh things I’ve believed about myself. The inner voice that says I’m not smart enough, I weigh too much, I don’t always make the best choices, I didn’t take enough risks, I didn’t follow through, I judged someone unfairly, I didn’t show enough kindness or empathy. The list seems endless. Writing it down is tough, but it’s necessary and it brings clarity.
So why am I so hard on myself? I know I’m not alone in this. Many of us have an inner critic that’s harsh and unforgiving. It’s important to explore where these thoughts come from. Understanding the root of your self-criticism is the first step toward dismantling it. Are these beliefs even true? Sure, some things may hold some truth—we all have moments of impatience or judgment—but they don’t have to define us. We’re human, after all, and humans are not perfect.
So, where do we go from there? How do we move beyond self-sabotaging thoughts and head toward self-forgiveness?
Start by becoming aware. When you catch yourself being critical or judgmental, ask why. Why am I reacting this way? Often, the harshest judgments we hold for others reflect how we feel about ourselves. We project our insecurities, and in doing so, we add another layer to the self-criticism we’re already carrying.
Here’s the good news: you can turn the tables. Catch yourself in those moments, acknowledge the thought, and consciously reverse it. And if you’ve acted unkindly, own it. Apologize—to yourself and others. You might be surprised by the power of an apology, not just in repairing relationships but in healing the relationship with yourself. When you reflect on why you were unkind, you’ll often realize it had more to do with how you were feeling—tired, stressed, overwhelmed—than the actual situation.
Forgiving yourself creates space for growth and understanding. It allows you to skip the guilt and shame, making room for self-compassion and personal healing. When you forgive yourself, you soon learn that you don’t have to be defined by those negative beliefs. You become more in tune with your needs, setting healthier boundaries and making decisions that align with your values.
In the end, self-forgiveness is not just about letting go of the past—it’s about creating a future where you treat yourself with kindness, patience, and understanding. And when you can do that for yourself, it becomes easier to extend the same grace to others.