Unplanned changes come in many forms - a layoff, the loss of a loved one, a breakup, a health crisis, or a financial setback are all examples.

It blindsides you. It sucks. It hurts. It makes you angry. You soul search. You rant. You wallow. You hide. All valid reactions. All probably necessary.

We’ve all experienced one or more unplanned changes. We’ve all watched others go through them. So how do we support someone who is going through it? Well, for one thing, it’s not a one-size-fits-all experience. It’s a process and we all approach it differently.

To bring this to a personal level, I lost my father recently and I am fresh in the grieving process. I will write about it at some point. It’s too soon though. What I will say is that we; myself, my siblings, and our extended family, are all grieving in our own way. I’m sure there are similarities and it’s also unique to each of us.

Here are some tips on how to support someone who has experienced an unplanned event:

Be there. Be present for them. Just your presence can offer a tremendous amount of comfort. And adjusting to their new normal can take quite a while. Make sure you’re still there after the dust settles.

Validate their feelings. Whether it is anger…

The experience of change, good or bad, has repercussions. One change can set you on a new course and have so much meaning in your life. It can affect you in a myriad of ways - some of which you may not have thought of when the change occurred.

It’s the domino effect of a given change that can throw you off course. You start a new relationship but how is it affecting your other relationships? Are you ignoring other people or responsibilities? You get promoted at work but what about the person you replaced and whose shoes you have to fill? Will you have to work longer hours? What impact will this have on your co-workers? How will it affect your life outside of work? You were unexpectedly laid off and how will you pay the mortgage on the new house you just bought? How will this affect your partner or your family?

One thing to acknowledge is that you play a role in every change no matter whether you choose to make a change or a change is thrust upon you. Your reaction to change will vary and is dependent on many factors; the key ones being your previous experience with change, your current circumstances, and your willingness to embrace the unknown…

The Essence of Community

Shared Understanding: they provide a safe space where you can discuss your experiences, your successes, and your fears. You also feel a sense of belonging and validation.

Collective Wisdom: there’s nothing better than sharing your experience and insights and hearing from others on how they are maneuvering change and transition. I always learn something from my communities and appreciate and value the various perspectives.

Emotional Support: we need empathy, compassion, and encouragement during times of change. Your communities can offer that in spades. The mere fact that you are not alone in whatever you are going through can significantly bolster your resilience.

The Power of Connection

Accountability and Motivation: your communities can hold you accountable for your intentions and commitments which will encourage you to stay motivated…

What happens when you have an elderly parent who needs 24/7 care? How do you help them adjust to a life full of change and transition?

I recently moved back to my hometown after living away for four decades. I did this for many reasons; participating in the care of my 98-year-old (now 99) father was a significant factor, along with a desire to be closer to family and to live in a smaller, more affordable city.

Not only did I move home but I moved in with my father. Living with my elderly father after living on my own for most of my life required some adjustment to say the least. And of course, this was a significant change for my father as well…

What I want to highlight here are the changes that my father is experiencing and their effect…

All of a sudden, you need more care. You need to depend on your family more than ever. You were always the one who took care of them and now your independence is almost completely gone. It’s challenging, demoralizing, and frustrating. The overriding thought is that you no longer feel useful…

So how do you help your parent maintain some independence and continue to feel useful?

Why is being comfortable with being uncomfortable important? What benefits does it offer?

It expands your comfort zone. What once was uncomfortable eventually becomes familiar setting you up to handle challenges with less fear.

It enhances your ability to adapt to new situations. Nothing goes exactly to plan. Adaptability is essential to managing any major life change.

It finetunes your decision-making and problem-solving skills. Challenges such as major life changes can involve making some tough decisions. Developing the ability to make decisions and solve problems in challenging situations can build these skills…

Our brains are hard-wired to prioritize safety and familiarity. Although this programming can be beneficial, it often holds us back from embracing change and taking into consideration the unknown. The good news is, that just as our brains learned to proceed with caution and protect us, we have the power to reprogram them for empowerment and exploration.

Understanding the Safety Programming:

Our brains are geared for survival. They instinctively seek patterns, familiar environments, and known outcomes to minimize perceived threats. In today's dynamic and sometimes overwhelming world, this instinct can manifest as resistance to change, creating barriers to personal growth and fulfillment…