Unplanned changes come in many forms - a layoff, the loss of a loved one, a breakup, a health crisis, or a financial setback are all examples.

It blindsides you. It sucks. It hurts. It makes you angry. You soul search. You rant. You wallow. You hide. All valid reactions. All probably necessary.

We’ve all experienced one or more unplanned changes. We’ve all watched others go through them. So how do we support someone who is going through it? Well, for one thing, it’s not a one-size-fits-all experience. It’s a process and we all approach it differently.

To bring this to a personal level, I lost my father recently and I am fresh in the grieving process. I will write about it at some point. It’s too soon though. What I will say is that we; myself, my siblings, and our extended family, are all grieving in our own way. I’m sure there are similarities and it’s also unique to each of us.

Here are some tips on how to support someone who has experienced an unplanned event:

Be there. Be present for them. Just your presence can offer a tremendous amount of comfort. And adjusting to their new normal can take quite a while. Make sure you’re still there after the dust settles.

Validate their feelings. Whether it is anger…

What I have come to realize is that we usually have very little idea about what is going on in other people’s lives and what they are feeling or experiencing at any given moment. This is true for total strangers and even people we know well. Yet we make assumptions about what they are feeling and why. We make assumptions based on how we view the world which may be very different from how the other person views the world.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I need to create a judgment-free zone. I know. I know. What makes me think I can pull this off? We don’t live in a non-judgmental, forgiving world.

It’s too easy to sit back and make up stories about people based on little or no information. It’s too easy to make assumptions. It’s too easy NOT to try and understand where people are coming from, what they might be going through, and the fears that they are grappling with.

Call me an optimist. Call me an idealist. Call me an unrealistic nutter. I have to try.

So, here is what I am going to do.

I am going to show compassion.

I am going to…