Why is it so hard to ask for help?
Are you the independent type? The one who rarely asks for help? The one who takes pride in being able to tackle any problem on their own? I was that person. I was fiercely independent. I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone. I spent wasted energy on figuring things out on my own. I saw needing help as a weakness. Truthfully, I thought I would be judged as weak or incapable if I asked for assistance.
I'm not sure exactly when I shifted my mindset. There wasn't a single event that made me realize asking for help isn't a sign of weakness—it's simply acknowledging that I need support.
All I know is that it opened the door to all sorts of good stuff. I didn’t have to do everything alone. I didn’t have to spend an inordinate amount of time figuring things out. After all, two heads are better than one! It led me to seek new communities. It made me a better team player. It brought joy to my life. We aren’t meant to handle all of life’s challenges on our own.
Here are some tips for those of us who find it challenging to ask for help.
Ask Yourself WHY - Take some time to think about why you have trouble asking for help. Are you worried about inconveniencing someone? Do you think you will be judged? Did you get turned down one too many times? Did the help you received not measure up to your standards? Did the help take too long? Whatever the reason, ask yourself if this approach or thought process serves you. What are you getting out of acting alone?
Change the Narrative - If you think asking for help says something negative about you, consider reframing your thinking. Asking for help is a sign of growth. Asking for help is a smart and efficient approach to problem-solving. Every time you want help and cringe at the thought of asking for assistance, stop and consider the benefits. Perhaps it will lead to a better outcome!
Consider Others - It makes people feel good when someone asks for help. They feel needed. They feel valued. They feel trusted. Humans want connection and helping others is one way to get that.
Accept Help - Do you turn down help when someone offers unsolicited? Say yes when someone offers to give you a ride, to pick up something at the store, to watch your dog, or to bring you a cup of coffee. People want to be kind. People want to help you. Let them.
Small Steps - Start small. I mean really small. Ask someone to get you a beverage from the fridge. Ask for advice on something basic like what book to read next or a restaurant to try. Ask for feedback on an email you wrote. Do this once a day for a week and see how you feel. And then do it again the following week.
Believe me when I say it gets easier with practice. Your first reaction may be a no. Think about it for a minute and reverse it. It gets easier and then you are hooked and wondering why it took so long to get on board.