Last week, I was having a perfectly lovely conversation with a friend. We were talking about our plans for the future when something they said completely triggered me. I nearly burst into tears right in the middle of the conversation. I eventually got off the call and then went into a full-blown spiral.

Not their fault. They were simply sharing what was happening in their life. They had absolutely no idea that I had launched into a spectacular pity party, complete with all my old stories, yelling at the universe to give me a break.

A bit dramatic? Perhaps.

But I couldn't ignore it.

One thing I've learned about myself is that I'm usually pretty aware of what triggers me. I don't let myself off the hook. I sit with it and try to understand why it landed so hard. Eventually, I have to surrender to it and trust that, if I'm willing to stay with it long enough, something deeper will reveal itself.

More often than not, it's something I've faced before.

In fact, I was convinced I'd already dealt with this one…

I had an experience recently that brought up some old insecurities. I was triggered emotionally, and I was really surprised by my reaction. It took me at least 24 hours to understand why I reacted the way I did. I realized that the old insecurity was that I didn’t belong.

I was a bit embarrassed by it. I hadn’t felt that way in so long and honestly thought I had dealt with it and moved on. That’s the thing about triggers. They are here to guide us and point to places that still need healing.

For most of my life, I’ve carried the belief that I didn’t fit in. It shaped the way I moved through the world. It made me question my worth. And, at times, it made me feel very alone.

So I began to look within because the pain of staying the same finally outweighed the fear of change.