Have you ever wondered why your friend, partner, colleague, or family member doesn’t understand your needs? It might sound something like the following. They should know without me telling them. If they knew me at all, they would know what I am feeling or thinking. They should know to give me a raise. They should know to back me up in that meeting. They should know that would upset me. They should know I wanted that thing. They should know I don’t like that thing.

Guess what? Most of us are not mind readers. No matter how much you think someone “should know” what you are thinking, it’s quite possible they do not. Communicate your needs! It won’t guarantee you get what you want, but you will feel much better if you communicate expectations.

I get why you feel so strongly about someone close to you knowing what you need. There is a bond there. You spend hours every day with them. Why don’t they know? You mull over your unmet needs and become more frustrated by the minute. You stockpile your emotions and create a story that takes up valuable brain space. Stress and anxiety kick in, and then resentment steps in.

The fact is that we all live in our heads (aka, minds) and our heads are busy processing the world around us. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to perform, to earn, to succeed, to learn, and to know. It’s exhausting. I’m surprised anyone has the bandwidth to function. We are in survival mode! Our brains can barely hold what we already know. Why add pressure with unvoiced expectations?

Fear of failure is all too common. There’s judgment, mostly from yourself. I could have done better. I didn’t think it through. I feel like an idiot. I feel less than. What will people think?

Meanwhile, everyone else is impressed that you made the effort and put your all into it. They think it took courage and wish they were brave enough to try it, whatever “it” is. In fact, they are beating themselves up for not trying to make a go of it. And so it goes. Even folks who are impressed with your efforts are beating themselves up and feel like a failure.

Fear of failure is so embedded in our psyches that it stops us in our tracks. It’s like touching a hot burner. I won’t do that again.

What if you gave yourself permission to fail? Seriously. What if you changed your mindset about failure and approached it from curiosity? Treat it like an experiment - what if I tried this or this or this? What would happen? Ok, that didn’t quite work. What if I tried it this way? How much better would that be? How much more open to possibility would you be if you took the fear out of the equation? Ok, I’m not naive. A little angst is in order and probably healthy. It can certainly motivate you. And I know there are real-life consequences and others to think about. Yet, I can’t help thinking that a new approach may be a healthy choice.

Let’s explore what this shift in mindset can do for you.

Encourages innovation and creativity - When you're not afraid to fail…

Why is being comfortable with being uncomfortable important? What benefits does it offer?

It expands your comfort zone. What once was uncomfortable eventually becomes familiar setting you up to handle challenges with less fear.

It enhances your ability to adapt to new situations. Nothing goes exactly to plan. Adaptability is essential to managing any major life change.

It finetunes your decision-making and problem-solving skills. Challenges such as major life changes can involve making some tough decisions. Developing the ability to make decisions and solve problems in challenging situations can build these skills…