The Path to liking yourself more
I read an article in the New York Times, “How to Like Yourself More” by Melissa Kirsh. I’m citing it because it resonated so completely. The author wants to be a person with practices, especially nourishing ones like yoga, mindfulness, or gratitude practices. Yet she hesitates to declare she has adopted a practice because she is not sure she will stick with it. The good news is that she found one and has been doing it for over eight months.
I too, want to be a person with practices that I actually stick with for an extended period of time if not forever. Is forever even possible? My average for any practice is 2-3 months. This is true for all sorts of practices that I hope will become a habit - healthy eating, exercising, journaling, meditating, and keeping a gratitude list are all examples.
I used to think I would go back to whatever I stopped doing but I rarely do. The gratitude list is one exception. I have gone back to this practice more than once and will continue to do so. It could be because it has a high time commitment/benefit ratio and it truly makes a difference in how I view my world. My perspective is decidedly more positive when I focus on all the good in my life.
Other practices like healthy eating or exercise are more elusive. I may try a new eating or exercise plan only to drop it after 2-3 months. I’m sure there are plenty of valid reasons why I stop. I get busy with work, commit to various obligations, or get bored and boom, I’m off schedule. And once I’m off schedule with a particular practice, there is no going back.
What stumps me is that the practices I attempt make me feel so much better. And I’m sure they have a positive impact on those around me as well. So, why do I stop? I’m starting to believe that it just might have something to do with how I feel about myself and whether I think I am worthy of being healthy, happy, and fulfilled. And perhaps I need to change my perspective on what it means to be all of those things.
The author talks about a practice that she has successfully adopted. At the end of the day, she writes down as many things she can think of that she appreciates about herself. It is similar to a gratitude journal. You are writing down what you are grateful for as it relates to yourself. She thought it seemed a bit self-involved at first but in the end, she realized it was just the opposite.
Many of us are self-critical and keep tabs on what we do wrong. We also live in a world where everyone is observed and criticized on a minute-by-minute basis. What if we celebrate what we do right on any given day? How would that affect our behavior and in turn affect those around us? The author started behaving more assertively and compassionately as a result.
The longer she did this practice, the more she realized that she was outsourcing this task to others. She notes that “An appreciation practice enables you to bring that practice in-house, to enlist yourself as your biggest fan. Other people are never paying as much attention to you as you are, so there’s a lot about you to appreciate that goes unremarked upon if you wait for someone else to acknowledge it.” This makes so much sense to me. We all have the need to be acknowledged in a positive way. When was the last time you were proud of yourself for something you did and wished someone noticed? Why rely on others to do this for us?
I am starting a self-appreciation practice right away. Will I stick with it? Maybe. I think it will be much like my gratitude list experience. The benefits will far outweigh the time commitment and even if I get off-schedule, I will pick it back up again.
I’m on a path to liking myself more. Thank you, Melissa Kirsh.
“How to Like Yourself More” is a great read. Check it out and join me in starting a self-appreciation journal.