communicate your needs

Have you ever wondered why your friend, partner, colleague, or family member doesn’t understand your needs? It might sound something like the following. They should know without me telling them. If they knew me at all, they would know what I am feeling or thinking. They should know to give me a raise. They should know to back me up in that meeting. They should know that would upset me. They should know I wanted that thing. They should know I don’t like that thing.

Guess what? Most of us are not mind readers. No matter how much you think someone “should know” what you are thinking, it’s quite possible they do not. Communicate your needs! It won’t guarantee you get what you want, but you will feel much better if you communicate expectations.

I get why you feel so strongly about someone close to you knowing what you need. There is a bond there. You spend hours every day with them. Why don’t they know? You mull over your unmet needs and become more frustrated by the minute. You stockpile your emotions and create a story that takes up valuable brain space. Stress and anxiety kick in, and then resentment steps in.

The fact is that we all live in our heads (aka, minds) and our heads are busy processing the world around us. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to perform, to earn, to succeed, to learn, and to know. It’s exhausting. I’m surprised anyone has the bandwidth to function. We are in survival mode! Our brains can barely hold what we already know. Why add pressure with unvoiced expectations?