Have you ever wondered why your friend, partner, colleague, or family member doesn’t understand your needs? It might sound something like the following. They should know without me telling them. If they knew me at all, they would know what I am feeling or thinking. They should know to give me a raise. They should know to back me up in that meeting. They should know that would upset me. They should know I wanted that thing. They should know I don’t like that thing.

Guess what? Most of us are not mind readers. No matter how much you think someone “should know” what you are thinking, it’s quite possible they do not. Communicate your needs! It won’t guarantee you get what you want, but you will feel much better if you communicate expectations.

I get why you feel so strongly about someone close to you knowing what you need. There is a bond there. You spend hours every day with them. Why don’t they know? You mull over your unmet needs and become more frustrated by the minute. You stockpile your emotions and create a story that takes up valuable brain space. Stress and anxiety kick in, and then resentment steps in.

The fact is that we all live in our heads (aka, minds) and our heads are busy processing the world around us. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to perform, to earn, to succeed, to learn, and to know. It’s exhausting. I’m surprised anyone has the bandwidth to function. We are in survival mode! Our brains can barely hold what we already know. Why add pressure with unvoiced expectations?

Communication is not limited to words alone – much of what we convey is expressed through non-verbal cues. Learning to decipher these subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle signals will help you better understand what someone is truly attempting to communicate.

Types of Non-Verbal Communication

Body Language: Gestures, posture, and facial expressions can reveal emotions and intentions. For example, crossed arms may indicate discomfort whereas open body language suggests receptiveness.

Eye Contact: Eye contact can convey confidence and interest in the conversation. Avoiding eye contact may signal shyness, discomfort, or dishonesty.

Tone of Voice: The tone, pitch, and tempo of someone's voice can convey emotions like excitement or frustration. A monotone voice may indicate boredom or disinterest, while a lively tone suggests enthusiasm and engagement.

Microexpressions: These are brief facial expressions that show on someone's face, revealing their true emotions.

What Are They Not Saying?:

Hidden Emotions: Non-verbal cues often reveal underlying emotions. For example, a forced smile may hide feelings of sadness or discomfort while a furrowed brow may indicate…

I am excited to share an episode of the Youest You podcast that I was so fortunate to participate in with fellow coaches Priti Chandran and Crissy Freeman. Podcast host, coach and all around fabulous human being, Julie Reisler, invited us to chat about the Life Designer Coach Academy certification program which she designed and teaches. We talked about what drew us to the program and the impact it has made on our lives and the lives of others.