what did i leave behind? It’s important to grieve your former life so you can move onto your new one.
Don’t forget to acknowledge what used to be. One critical part of the transition process is acknowledging and giving due thought to the fact that your life looks and feels different from the one you had before. We often go from old to new and skip this step. We then wonder why we feel a bit off balance. This may sound strange but we don’t allow ourselves to grieve what once was even if we are excited about the change.
And we especially shouldn’t skip this step if we experience an unplanned change. There are so many emotions wrapped up in making a change (planned or unplanned) and the resulting transition process. It truly helps to take stock on what came before. Where was I? Who was in my life? What was I doing? What were my routines? Who were my friends? Who were my coworkers? How was I feeling about my circumstances?
Let me share an example - You recently relocated across the country due to a change in jobs within your organization. You are dealing with a lot of change - a new job, a new city, and a new home. You are working with new people within your organization, experiencing a different external landscape, likely changing or creating some new routines, meeting new friends, getting to know your new city and the list goes on. Now think of the familiar life you left behind - friends, family, your favorite coffee shop, your gym, your co-workers, your home, your routines, the familiar landscape…
THIS IS A SIGNIFICANT CHANGE! Acknowledge it as such, congratulate yourself for making it and don’t forget about what you left behind. You will miss some or all of it no matter how you felt about it. The phrase “the devil you know…” plays a role here too. You might even miss something that you didn’t particularly like but it is familiar and there is comfort in that. The good news is that many of the things you miss can be replaced by something else and a possibly better option. And the people you miss are just a text or call away. Keep in touch - they will help ground you.
Give some genuine thought about everything you left behind. I mean everything down to your favorite restaurant and the couch you sold. This is not meant to be an exercise in “OMG, why did I do that!” It is an exercise in honoring the life you had so you can fully embrace the life to come. And if some of the things or people you left behind are creating some additional angst, make sure you devote time to processing that. This is especially true in cases where you experienced an unplanned change. Often there are some additional emotions attached to this type of change. Loss of a job, a break up or a loss of a loved one are examples that come with some soul searching.
And if, like me, you are enamored with list making, I invite you to document how you are successfully transitioning to your new life. Regardless of how your life changed, noting how you are moving forward will give you the boost you need to get through the hard parts.
You will feel twinges of that old life from time to time and that’s ok. Just be sure to make room for the new one.
